Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
