I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
