Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize