umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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