Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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