U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
