Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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