His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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