i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
