thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
