Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
