Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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