so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can you bring me the toilet please
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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