I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
