she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
