You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
