Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
