We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
