your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
