suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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