I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
