sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
