I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
