Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
