what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
