Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's blow job season.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
