I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
