Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
