There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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