doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
