I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
