Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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