I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
