Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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