careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
