we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize