Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
