Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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