Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
