So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What happened to fro yo and sex?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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