cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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