Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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