Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
