i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
