Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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