Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
