I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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