I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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