none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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