being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
