matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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