dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
