she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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