I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
