On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
