I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
try to milk me bitch
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
