Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
