Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
