i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
