Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
