that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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