I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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