That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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