i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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