He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
