But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
