No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
