This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
