Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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