You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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