i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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