guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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