my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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