it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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